


Sleepless, by your side

by seafoamist



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Discharged, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Marine Corps, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Post-Service, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 06:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15382539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seafoamist/pseuds/seafoamist
Summary: Post-service, Keith tries to salvage his relationship with Shiro. But, the man has changed after his years of torture and imprisonment. Keith refuses to give up on him, and Shiro is growing colder by the day. They're living together, but apart. Then, one night, everything comes crashing down.





	Sleepless, by your side

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi! So here is a little fic I whipped up for the Sheith Bouquet 2k18 event on tumblr!
> 
> Request: an older!Sheith AU, with hurt/comfort
> 
> Hope you enjoy~ \\(^w^)/

_“Kogane, it’s been a year. We must assume that Takashi Shirogane is permanently MIA. It is hard to accept, but the likelihood he is still alive is–”_

_“Where’s his body? Did you find it?” Keith cut in, eyes ablaze and his stance challenging._

_Iverson narrowed his eyes, his patience thinning, “The rescue team has yet to retrieve anything.”_

_“Don’t say ‘anything’, like that! His name is Shiro!” demanded Keith, slamming his palms down on the table. His forearms were quivering._

_“You need to calm down, and know your place,” Iverson rebuked, and clenching his fists tightly held his tongue, “The search has gone on for as long as it could, but our resources are stretched thin as it is. One man versus an entire team is incomparable.”_

Less than half a year later, Keith was dishonourably discharged from his marine service due to ongoing disciplinary issues. The final straw had broken when he’d socked Iverson in the eye, after he’d named a drill after the mission Shiro had been assigned to. _A fucking drill,_ as if Shiro was already dead and gone and ‘if you were to complete this mission, you need to consider what you would do differently?’. As soon as Keith heard the news, he had let the man have it. Most of the other cadets were glad to see the back of him, and Keith left cursing them all, his head held high as he stormed out of those godforsaken barracks for good. 

His discharge was still a sore spot, one that stung when he thought about it for too long. But, Keith had let it go. Without a choice and in need of income, he’d enrolled himself in a cheaper, technical course. It had taken a lot of shitty, big company name jobs, where he was no more than a cog in the system and abused on the daily, but he had pulled through. Now at 29 years old, he worked as a self-employed computer technician, taking house calls and dealing with people at his own pace.

Shiro had been assigned on a mission in Iraq, a specialised squad made up of only the most elite cadets and officers. Of course, Shiro had been selected and he accepted without question. At the time, they had been on a burgeoning romance, still tentative and new but they were both aware of where it would lead. The last moment they had together, Shiro had kissed him and it was the first time. That bittersweet kiss seared in his mind, the way Shiro had cupped his face carefully, as if Keith was something precious to behold.

His disappearance hit Keith hard, and he couldn’t stand the gossip that was whispered everywhere he went. Keith got into fights with fellow cadets that expressed distrust towards Shiro, believing he was captured and being grilled for intel as they spoke. To even think that Shiro of all people would let them down, let their country down, in such a way was maddening. Keith couldn’t control his anger with words, so he let his fists do the talking. A memory from long ago floated across his mind, then:

_“That boy is a troublemaker. He’s arrogant, disrespectful and he’s got a temper that he doesn’t even try to control.”_

_Keith stilled, frozen to the spot behind the door. Iverson sounded infuriated, and Keith didn’t have to wonder about who he was talking about. He had gotten into more fights with his fellow cadets in the space of a week than most did in their entire service._

_Iverson continued his remarks, “As talented as he is, it’s all worthless if he doesn’t have self-discipline. None of the cadets want to work with him, because of it.”_

_Keith hated it. The eyes watching him, judging him based only on what they could see, a small fraction of a percentage of nothing. He grits his teeth, his core twitching with the force of the negative retorts he so badly wanted to spew back at all of them. Yet, he was silent. He didn’t say a word, because despite his desire to he knew it was pointless. Anything he said would be thrown back in his face, and they’d yell and scream at him over and over, more pointless things._

_During it all, and even in this moment right now, Keith was made aware again of how not one person was ever on his side. It didn’t matter if Keith had defended them before, or if he hadn’t even done anything to be hated and scorned by them. He was Keith, and that was reason enough._

_“Pardon me, sir, but I wouldn’t give up so easily on Keith.”_

_With that single phrase, the strings of his heart plucked and Keith stopped._

_Shiro._

_“I know he isn’t the perfect cadet, there is a lot he still has to learn and improve on. If you just give him a chance, I guarantee he’ll become one of the most valuable marines in the line of duty there is.”_

_Keith was stunned, his hands slack at his side and his eyes blown wide. He was wrong. He did have someone; how could he forget? Maybe it was only one person, but that person was enough. At least, Keith believed it was. For him, it was. This feeling in his heart, the way it quickened its beat, Keith knew what this was._

_It wasn’t like Shiro was the first person to care. He was just the first person after a very long time of having nothing and no one. Despite how conflicting he felt about it sometimes, within his heart he knew his mother had cared for him. His father told him that, and it was one of the two or three things he ever said about her. Of course, his father had loved him. Keith never doubted that, before or after his death, and he cherished the memories they had together._

_The point was, he knew how to distinguish one type of love from another. What he felt for Shiro, it wasn’t something he’d ever believed he was capable of feeling. It was all-encompassing, and unable to be ignored even when he put his walls up._

_He wished he could explain it all to Shiro._

Shiro was his first love. His first, and Keith has always desperately hoped, his only. It was embarrassing and exhilarating when he was younger. Finally understanding that feeling people have, because he was in love too. Keith felt it with all his heart. Every day. Older now, the embarrassment had dispersed and been paved over with a deep seriousness and devotion. He was still exhilarated at just the thought of being with Shiro, but he wasn’t as rash and foolish as he had been.

And then, a little more than a year ago, he’d been reunited with Shiro. After going so long with nothing and sparse hope, Keith’s frequent inquests into the man’s whereabouts had been worth it. Shiro had been the sole survivor of his team who were captured and tortured for 4 years. Lost wandering for another year, searching for a way back home, Shiro hadn’t returned to him until just after what he knew was Shiro’s 32nd birthday. He had been told Shiro’s return had been kept very low profile, and he had been in intense therapy for much of the time.

Now 33 years old, Shiro had lost so much of his life to that hell. It made Keith shake and boil in anger. He had been on the run, escaped from them, for another year, until he managed to get in contact with someone. Upon their reunion, Shiro was changed. Keith hadn’t expected anything different, but the coldness to him was so sharp. No longer did he smile and joke, Keith couldn’t recall ever hearing him laugh this year. Keith had dared not kiss him, despite how his heart longed to reach out and envelop this man in his arms, and never let go. Shiro had received an honourable discharge and was now unemployed, receiving weekly veteran benefits. He also lived with Keith, and despite his despondent state Keith had been assured by every health professional Shiro was seeing that this is what the man wanted. And so, they lived together, something Keith had always dreamed of but starkly different to how he’d imagined it. What mattered though, was that Shiro was alive and trying to recover and Keith would do all in his power to help him through, to support him.

*

_Marigolds withered in the vase, the cheerful bright yellow-orange colour becoming a murky brown, disintegrating. Shiro was drowning in despair, grieved beyond words but he couldn’t even scream._

_Bodies strewn everywhere, severed limbs and heads littering his vision and he couldn’t see through the toxic air. Knives dug into his skin, ripping it apart and tearing him open. He couldn’t move, he was strapped down to a table. Electric shocks rippled through his body, making him shake and shiver and want nothing more than to die to escape from the pain._

_Moonflower petals fluttered down over the bloodied, beaten faces of his comrades. Their pure white becoming a tainted red, dark and evil and oozing. The instability of the night surrounding him, cloaking him in its darkness. He couldn’t get up, he couldn’t see anything. The light was gone._

_He shouted in despair, hoping someone, anyone would hear him._

Upon hearing a shout, Keith was roused from his sleep and immediately clambered out of bed. He and Shiro had their own rooms, Keith had offered it and Shiro hadn’t said no. Well, it wasn’t like they’d shared a room before. Entering Shiro’s room (he always kept the door open, he hated enclosed spaces), his heart panged at the sight of him. Shiro was writhing in the sheets, his breathing laboured and much too fast, sweat shining on his skin from the light in the hallway. How he was still sleeping was a cruel mystery.

Having encountered this so many times before, Keith approached slowly and called out, “Shiro, it’s a dream. Wake up.”

He didn’t touch Shiro, because that usually translated badly into whatever dream he was having. But, the words weren’t having their usual, desired effect. Shiro kept thrashing, still trapped under the spell of the nightmare.

“Shiro, wake up!” Keith yelled, leaning down closer and doing anything he could to wake the man up. He couldn’t let Shiro suffer like that alone.

Shiro did wake up, with his hands shooting out and locking around Keith’s neck instantly. It lasted only a few seconds, before Shiro’s eyes flashed in recognition and the hands were gone as quickly as they’d come. Keith wasn’t used to it, only better at coping with it. If he didn’t struggle, then Shiro would realise sooner he was not an enemy, and wake up.

“Hey, are you okay?” Keith asked softly, moving to sit tentatively on the edge of the bed.

Getting his breathing under control, Shiro shot him a dirty look and said, “I’ve told you over, and over, not to come in here when I’m having nightmares.”

“What, you think I can just ignore something like that!?” Keith retorted, outraged and horrified at the very notion of sleeping through one of Shiro’s night terror episodes.

“You should wear ear plugs.” Was Shiro’s reply, and Keith was appalled.

“I’m not gonna do that! That’s ridiculous! What if something was wrong!? I wouldn’t even know–”

 _“Good_ , maybe then you’ll worry about important things. The house is a fucking mess, and that tap is still dripping it annoys the hell out me.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but I’ve been working! I don’t have time to do everything, Shiro!”

Shiro’s lips twitched into a mocking smile, “But you can’t leave anything to the cripple, right? What if he gets triggered and blows a fuse? He’s dangerous.”

“Stop it! That’s not what I think!” Keith protested, mortified at hearing such things. Did these thoughts go through Shiro’s mind all the time? Steeling himself, Keith continued determinedly, “I wouldn’t stay here if I did.”

“I NEVER ASKED YOU TO STAY!” Shiro screamed, loud and heavy.

It had clearly been something that was bottled up for a long, long time to come out at a time like this.

“If it’s too fucking hard, then I’ll pack my bags and get out.” Shiro wasn’t looking at him, and Keith desperately wished he would. He hated that place Shiro would go to when he got caught up in his own head.

“Shiro.” He uttered, hurt at the other man’s anger, as well as his pain. Was Shiro not happy being here? Was he only making it harder on Shiro, instead of easier?

“You think I can’t see what I am now? I’m broken, worthless, of no good to anyone. You run around like crazy working and taking care of me. Well, what have I ever done for you, Keith? Except become a burden on you, a patient rather than a lover.”

Keith’s lips parted at the unexpected words, then he snapped out of it and fiercely reacted, “That’s not true! You’re-You’re not _broken!”_

Shiro chuckled humourlessly, shaking his head and staring down at his hands, “Face the facts, I’m not the man who left you. I wouldn’t blame you if you up and left. I’d get sick of being around someone as depressing as me, too. You’d probably be better off without me.”

“Never. I’m never gonna leave you,” Keith vowed, his trademark fiery passion coming alive, “It’s okay that you’ve changed. Because, I’ve changed too. And I’m not the man you left behind, either. One thing that won’t ever change, though, is that I won’t ever let you go. I won’t ever give up on you.”

“Why?” Shiro whispered, his head hung low and his expression hidden.

“Because, I love you.” Keith declared, with all the confidence and truth he possessed.

And finally, Shiro broke down. His coldness melted away, no longer was he stoic, or angry, or cutting himself off. His true emotions were finally filtering through, the dam had burst and Keith was ready.

“You’re okay, it’s going to be okay. I promise.” Keith’s voice was hushed, right next to his ear. Though the words were simple, he hoped they were soothing to Shiro.

His hands rubbed lightly on that big, broad back, and he could hear Shiro bite back a sob. Shiro hugged him back, and they embraced for a long time. Or maybe, it wasn’t that long at all. Perhaps it was only mere minutes, but those minutes felt like hours and days to Keith.

“I’m sorry, Keith. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Shiro whispered, pulling back and lifting a trembling hand near his face. He stopped before touching, biting his lips unsurely.

“It’s okay, I’m fine. I’m more worried about you,” leaning in so his cheek pressed against Shiro’s prosthetic, Keith reassured him silently and glanced up at him with concern shining in his eyes.

“I’ll be alright, as long as you’re still here with me.” Shiro murmured, his voice low and scratchy. _He’s exhausted._

“Always. You’re always gonna have me.” Keith iterated, his eyes boring into Shiro’s strong and sure. Keith had never been surer of anything in his life. For as long as Shiro would have him, Keith would never leave him.

“I’m glad.” Shiro tried to smile, but his eyes were starting to fill and it became too wobbly.

Wrapping his arms around Shiro’s neck, Keith drew his head down gently to rest on his slight shoulder. Supporting him with all the strength he had, Keith held him and stroked his hair slowly. Shiro’s hold on him tightened, and he didn’t let go for some time. That was fine, because Keith would hold him all night if that was what he wanted. He would do anything for Shiro.

Deciding there was no harm in asking, Keith spoke up and broke the silence, “I want to sleep here the rest of the night. Would it be okay?”

It was important he asked, because sometimes Shiro needed his own space. To have that time with himself and recharge as he needed. Tonight, though, part of him sensed that Shiro needed the warmth of their companionship.

Sure enough, Shiro answered with, “Yeah, you can stay. I-I’d like that.”

When they crawled back into bed together, Keith was nestled against his side almost instantly. He wrapped an arm across Shiro’s chest and rested his head on his shoulder. Shiro only slept on his back, due to the jumpiness sleeping on only one side caused. For a long time after that, Shiro didn’t move, and Keith hopefully wished he had fallen asleep. Just as he started dozing off himself, he felt movement underneath him. Then, a hand slid gently through his hair, stroking his head in featherlight touches. His lips curling, Keith fell asleep more at peace than he ever had. 

*

When morning came, Shiro felt more well-rested than he had in ages. Even though his sleep cycle had been disrupted, his mind felt at such ease. When he glanced sideways, he noted Keith was already awake and watching him. Getting caught, Keith flinched, but smiled mischievously and tugged the blankets up closer – like a naughty kid.

 _Every day, I love you more and more,_ Shiro thought to himself with a fond smile. Then he stopped, and rewound that thought. It sounded so right, felt so right when he thought it, but what was it?

That was when Shiro realised, it was the first time in a while he’d had thoughts of that word. _Love_. It had come so naturally to his mind, and Shiro found no reason to resist it. For now, Shiro was sure of Keith’s own feelings and devotion to him. There wasn’t a day Keith didn’t show them, whether it was sweeping the floor or doing the dishes for him, or whether it was simply staying and listening when Shiro’s mind became too scrambled for him to make sense of alone.

Suddenly, a memory that was years old rose to the surface. It was the first time ever he had seen Keith’s face. How he had seen so much life in it, vivid and tempestuous. Now, almost thirty years of age, Keith still maintained that fiery passion in his eyes, that which enveloped his whole soul.

He loved Keith.

“I love you.” Shiro said aloud, the words coming so easily. Like a song he knew off by heart, he spoke them. 

Keith looked up, wide-eyed and hair a mess. Shiro loved him even more. It had taken him so long to accept it, but Shiro understood now that Keith wouldn’t abandon him. That Keith didn’t resent him, or that he was only breaking Keith’s heart each day he lived like this. It was all about taking one little step at a time, and being able to trust that when he stumbled, he could rely on Keith to build him back up.

Licking his lips, a red hue lit up Keith’s cheeks as he managed to say, “I-I love you too, Shiro.”

And for the rest of their lives, they would do their very best to keep loving and understanding each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :3 let me know what you think in a comment, I'd love to know! x


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